he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
