I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
