It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
