chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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