I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
