Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
