if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
