Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
