Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
