he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize