Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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