im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
