On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
