its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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