Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
