piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
