i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize