just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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