The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
