Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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