dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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