I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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