we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
