but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
