i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
