guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
