bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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