hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
