I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
