Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
