I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize