Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
