The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize