I think my vagina is haunted
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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