They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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