Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
