I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize