It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
