apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
