You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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