I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
