he shaved USA in his pubs
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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