I smell stomach acid.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
