I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
