apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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