new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
