Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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