do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize