my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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