did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
