we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your cock deserves a montage
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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