a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
