When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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