I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
