so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
