If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize