My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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