btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
