I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
