I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
