I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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