Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
