My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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