In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
