I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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