you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize