i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
