I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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