I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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