No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
