I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
