White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
