He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
