OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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