she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
