And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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