I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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