My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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