I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
