I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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