I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
