Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
