my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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