She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
