On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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