so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
