there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
