I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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