If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
