Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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