I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
