kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize