well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
