I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
