As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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