This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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