Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think i got beer on your cat.
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