hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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