She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
