So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize