Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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