i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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