Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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