I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
