my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
