Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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