were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
