batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
