I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
