Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
