Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
