What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
