You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
