whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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