Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
