a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I know her cup size but not her name....
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